What We Choose to See
Words of Wisdom with Rabbi Efrat Zarren-Zohar
This Dvar Torah was edited from one written by Sam Feinsmith, a faculty member of the Institute for Jewish Spirituality. He received an MA in Talmud and Rabbinics from the Jewish Theological Seminary, and rabbinic ordination from Yeshiva Chovevei Torah Rabbinical School.
Photo by pawel szvmanski on Unsplash
It is serendipitous that as we approach Rosh Hashanah, the day of reckoning, the weekly Torah reading presents us with laws that help us to train in noticing and weakening our tendency towards willful ignorance:
- You shall not see your brother's ox or sheep straying and ignore them. [Rather,] you shall return them to your brother.
- But if your brother is not near you, or if you do not know him, you shall bring it into your house, and it shall be with you until your brother seeks it out, whereupon you shall return it to him.
- So shall you do with his donkey, and so shall you do with his garment, and so shall you do with any lost article of your brother which he has lost and you have found. You shall not ignore [it].
- You shall not see your brother's donkey or his ox fallen [under its load] on the road and ignore them. [Rather,] you shall pick up [the load] with him. (Deuteronomy 22:1-4)
Both sets of laws, those of returning a lost animal and those of helping our fellow to reload his animal and ease its pain, stress that when we see we must not ignore.
This formulation acknowledges that our habitual way of relating to seeing our fellow’s lost animal or his animal fallen under its load is to willfully ignore or pretend not to see.
But why would we choose to ignore?
The answer lies in the fact that both situations involve inconveniencing ourselves, ruining our good day by having to go out of our way to do something unpleasant.
Rather than ignoring it, the Torah commands us to train in approaching discomfort, bringing it close as an act of compassion.
A number of months ago I was at the grocery store, and I saw someone walking down the aisle who had hurt my feelings some time back. He didn’t see me.
My initial impulse was to say hello and engage him in conversation.
But then I noticed a countervailing impulse to turn and run the other way, to pretend that I didn’t see him.
In a moment of weakness, the latter impulse prevailed, not because I don’t respect that person or think he’s a nice guy.
The tendency to willfully ignore won out because being with him conjured up our disagreement and the attendant unpleasant feelings that came with it.
In that moment, I wasn’t really hiding from him. I was hiding from myself, cowering from my own unresolved feelings of inadequacy and my inability to bear discomfort without retreating.
What I lost by giving in to that impulse was a precious opportunity to train in cultivating forbearance and forgiveness, and the ability to bear discomfort without hiding from it.
I notice the same tendency playing out when it comes to confronting the suffering in our world. Suicide bombings, homelessness, poverty, racial injustice, gun violence, climate change.
It’s all too easy to ignore.
Yet in doing so, I strengthen the tendency towards willful ignorance, and with it I also squander the opportunity to mobilize my discomfort in the service of expanding my heart’s capacity to feel deeply and move me to compassionate action.
Dr. Erica Brown puts it succinctly:
"Suffering humanizes us. Ignoring suffering dehumanizes us. I don’t want to ruin my good mood by looking at that homeless person, so I turn away – and with that turning, I let go of my social responsibility to him. Attunement to suffering makes us more compassionate. It also helps us appreciate where we come from and all that it took to get us where we are... We become more grateful, holding on tightly to our blessed lives because we can.” (In the Narrow Place: Daily Inspiration for the Three Weeks, pp. 2-7).
Kavannah
As we approach the Days of Awe, observe your habitual tendency to willfully ignore your own suffering and the suffering of others. When do you pretend not to see, and why? At what cost?
Practice lovingly turning towards discomfort with the faith that in doing so you are cultivating your ability to be more present to the fullness of your life and the world around you with a compassionate, tender, and responsive heart.
